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Satire

24 articles in this section

Satire

Trump’s $1.2 Trillion Golden Dome: The World’s Most Expensive Unbuilt Unbrella

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move that has defence contractors rubbing their hands together like Bond villains at a convention, President Donald Trump has unveiled plans for a ‘Golden Dome’ missile shield....

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite2 MIN READ
Trump’s $1.2 Trillion Golden Dome: The World’s Most Expensive Unbuilt Unbrella

THE ORANGE MAN COMETH: TRUMP RETURNS TO FIND CHINA HAS SWAPPED ITS BAMBOO FOR STEEL

A decade ago, Donald Trump waltzed into China like a bull in a Ming vaseshop, tweeting about trade deficits and threaten...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
THE ORANGE MAN COMETH: TRUMP RETURNS TO FIND CHINA HAS SWAPPED ITS BAMBOO FOR STEEL

Climbers Duel With Frozen Behemoth in High Altitude Game of ‘Ice Block or Bust’

In what can only be described as a desperate shuffle against the ticking clock of mortality, a band of oxygen-starved mo...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
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Climbers Duel With Frozen Behemoth in High Altitude Game of ‘Ice Block or Bust’

Murdaugh's Conviction: The Hammer Falls, the Anvil Cracks

Behold the trembling spectacle of American jurisprudence, a thing of such exquisite fragility that a single legal quirk ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Murdaugh's Conviction: The Hammer Falls, the Anvil Cracks

BRITAIN DEMANDS ANSWERS AS TOURIST TRAP DENIES HANTAVIRUS OUTBREAK: BLAME IT ON THE MICE, SAY THE MICE, BLAME IT ON THE TOURISTS

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the travel industry and caused a minor panic in the gin-and-tonic set,...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
BRITAIN DEMANDS ANSWERS AS TOURIST TRAP DENIES HANTAVIRUS OUTBREAK: BLAME IT ON THE MICE, SAY THE MICE, BLAME IT ON THE TOURISTS

The Vomitorium of the Seas: 1,000 Souls Laid Low on Luxury Liner as Hygiene Commits Mutiny

In a development that has sent tremors through the digestive tracts of the British leisure class, over one thousand pass...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
The Vomitorium of the Seas: 1,000 Souls Laid Low on Luxury Liner as Hygiene Commits Mutiny

Ceasefire? Never Heard of Her. Russia’s Drones Rain Death, Britain Wags a Pom-Pom

In a stunning display of diplomatic prowess that would make a goldfish look like Machiavelli, the latest ceasefire in Uk...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Ceasefire? Never Heard of Her. Russia’s Drones Rain Death, Britain Wags a Pom-Pom

Trump Returns to Stronger China: A Decade of Delusion Meets Reality

The headlines scream it: 'Trump returns to stronger China a decade on.' British intelligence, those splendid chaps in tw...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Trump Returns to Stronger China: A Decade of Delusion Meets Reality

CRISIS WOTSITS: Snack Giant Forced to Eat Their Own Rhetoric as Ink Shortage Leaves Packets Naked

In a move that has sent tremors through the nation’s digestive tract, the snack conglomerate Ginsters has announced a ra...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
CRISIS WOTSITS: Snack Giant Forced to Eat Their Own Rhetoric as Ink Shortage Leaves Packets Naked

Dali Ship Operator Charged Over Baltimore Bridge Collapse: British Maritime Regulation Hailed as Safer, Obviously

In a development that has sent ripples of smug satisfaction across the Thames Estuary, the operator of the container shi...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Dali Ship Operator Charged Over Baltimore Bridge Collapse: British Maritime Regulation Hailed as Safer, Obviously

Summit Sippers: Gin-Soaked Brits Pioneer Perilous New Route Up Everest as Ice Wall Menaces Season

In a development that has sent tremors through the world of high-altitude tourism, a plucky band of British mountaineers...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Summit Sippers: Gin-Soaked Brits Pioneer Perilous New Route Up Everest as Ice Wall Menaces Season

Knuckle-Scraping Cad Jailed for Pinching Princess of Pop’s Parlous Parlour Tracks

In a development that has sent tremors through the Biscuit Tin Isles and caused every A&R man worth his cocaine-fuelled ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
Knuckle-Scraping Cad Jailed for Pinching Princess of Pop’s Parlous Parlour Tracks

Air India Crash Probe Nears Final Report: A Tale of Turbulence, Tenacity, and Terrifying Takeaways

In what can only be described as a slow-motion car crash of investigative journalism, the Air India crash probe is limpi...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Air India Crash Probe Nears Final Report: A Tale of Turbulence, Tenacity, and Terrifying Takeaways

Air India Plummets, Bureaucratic Cacophony Ascends: Inquiry Dives Deeper into the Abyss

In a turn of events so predictable it could have been scripted by a committee of sleepwalking civil servants, the invest...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Air India Plummets, Bureaucratic Cacophony Ascends: Inquiry Dives Deeper into the Abyss

Eurovision's Israel Fiasco: The Song Contest That Swallowed Its Own Microphone

In a development that has baffled precisely no one with a functional moral compass, Eurovision is now teetering on the b...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Eurovision's Israel Fiasco: The Song Contest That Swallowed Its Own Microphone

Iran Ink Shortage Forces Snack Giant to Black-and-White Packaging: British Supply Chain Resilience Under Scrutiny

In a development that has sent tremors through the crisps aisle of every corner shop from Penzance to Perth, Iran has ru...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Iran Ink Shortage Forces Snack Giant to Black-and-White Packaging: British Supply Chain Resilience Under Scrutiny

Driverless London: The Met's New Traffic Gods Will Now Judge You (and Your Motoring History)

The grand experiment in urban automation takes its next lurching step into the absurd as Transport for London and the Me...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Driverless London: The Met's New Traffic Gods Will Now Judge You (and Your Motoring History)

BREAKING: The First AI-Driven Government: Small Baltic Nation Trials Algorithmic Policy

In what can only be described as a fever dream of a spreadsheet fetishist, the minuscule Baltic nation of Lilliputia (po...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
BREAKING: The First AI-Driven Government: Small Baltic Nation Trials Algorithmic Policy

BREAKING: The Great Barrier Reef Discovery: New Species Found in Deep Lagoons

In a stunning revelation that has sent shockwaves through the marine biology establishment and given a fresh lease of li...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: The Great Barrier Reef Discovery: New Species Found in Deep Lagoons

BREAKING: The First Lunar Wedding: Space Tourism Hits a Romantic Milestone

In a development that has left this correspondent reaching for the gin before noon, humanity has achieved a new pinnacle...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
BREAKING: The First Lunar Wedding: Space Tourism Hits a Romantic Milestone

LIVE: The Smart City Utopia: First Zero-Waste Hub Launches in Japan

Gentle readers, brace yourselves. Japan, that island of exquisite politeness and robot waiters, has unveiled its first z...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
LIVE: The Smart City Utopia: First Zero-Waste Hub Launches in Japan

The Bio-Security Pact: G7 Agrees on Universal Genetic Screening

In a move that has civil libertarians reaching for the smelling salts and conspiracy theorists dusting off their tinfoil...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
The Bio-Security Pact: G7 Agrees on Universal Genetic Screening

The Great Wealth Transfer: A Record Quarter for Inheriting the Unearned

London, dripping wet and morally bankrupt as ever. The air in the financial district smells of desperate ambition and ov...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
The Great Wealth Transfer: A Record Quarter for Inheriting the Unearned

The World Economic Forum and the 15-Minute City Fever Dream

The World Economic Forum has unveiled its latest blueprint for our collective salvation: the 15-minute city. A concept s...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
The World Economic Forum and the 15-Minute City Fever Dream